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The Freeloaders Written By: Scott & Eric Williams EXT. Big Top Video - Day Vic You know what I like best about Working in a video store? INT – Big Top Video Vic is sitting on the counter and Mike is putting videos away. Mike Shit, no. Vic I can watch all the free porn I want and I’m not even 18 yet. Mike stares at Vic oddly, Vic smiles. Vic Heh heh. I rule. Title on Black “THE FREELOADERS” EXT – Big Top Video – Night Mike Hello, Mr. Roth? Title on Black “Mike ... the ‘Straight-Man’” INT – Big Top Video Mike is on the phone Mike Yes, this is Big Top Video calling About a late return, “Four Rooms”? (beat) Well, no, no one ever rents it (beat) yeah, no, it doesn’t really make a diff (beat) look, it’s just one of those piece of shit rules that the company makes up to flex their corporate muscle, like the rewind rule. (beat) Look, just return the damn video or we’ll sue. Mike hangs up phone, Vic walks in. Vic Who was that? Mike Ah, just some ass hole who Doesn’t wanna return a video. Vic Isn’t that just one of those Piece of shit rules that the Company makes up to flex their Corporate muscle? Mike Yeah, that’s what I told him. Vic Anarchy. Mike Huh? Vic I dunno, it’s just one of Those words ya hear all the Time but never get a chance to use. EXT – Big Top Video – Day At the same time, Vic enters from Right, and Mike enters from left. Vic The beginning of another shitty Day, eh? Mike opens door and walks in while talking INT – Big Top Mike Yeah, I... MCU on Mike and Vic walking in, a shocked look goes on their faces. Camera pans over to reveal all of the videos are on the floor. Mike What the shit is this? Vic What are you askin me for? Tony walks up from behind the two Tony Uh, sorry about that. My bad. Title on Black “Tony ... the hopeless idiot.” Mike Ah, damn it, Tony. What’s This about? Tony I was lookin for a video! Vic Uh, when? Tony Let’s see... I was outta Bed at 2, and I went to IHOP At 2:25 Mike IHOP is open at 2:25 AM? Tony No, man, what kind of Restaurant would be open At 2:25 AM? Geez... they Say I’m dense... Mike About the videos? Tony Right, well, after I left the ‘HOP, I started wandering for some whores, and when I couldn’t find none, I decided to rent one of your fine films. Vic Didn’t you notice the big ‘Closed’ Sign in the window? Tony Window? (beat) Closed...? Mike Yeah, well did you find what were looking for? Tony What was I looking For? Vic The video... Tony I wasn’t looking For a video... Mike Then why were you here this morning Tony Well, I saw you guys coming In from across the street, an-- Vic Then what is all this? Tony I don’t know, but did you notice That all your movies Are on the Floor? Mike and Vic walk into the store and leave Tony standing in the doorway Tony What? What did I say? Cut to INT – Big Top Mike is standing at the counter, Vic is standing in front of it. Mike Look, I’m gonna head over to the Pizza joint, want anything? Vic Some god damned pussy. Mike Yeah, sure, just watch the damn store. Two ladies walk into the store as Mike walks out, and start to browse Vic Can I help you? Lady #1 Yes, (beat) we’re Witches, and we Need the semen of a healthy young man Like you to revive our eternal mistress Title on Black “Vic ... The Horny Slacker” Vic Do I have to do anything? Lady #2 goes across the counter and gets down on her knees in front of Vic. Vic Moans Cuts back to Mike about to leave the store. Mike Yo... come back, Vic... Vic Huh? Oh, damn. Yeah, a slice. Mike Ok, then... Mike leaves the store and Vic picks up a magazine on the counter. Three second pause, and then Tony Enters. Vic Hey, can I help you? Tony Yeah, I’m lookin for a movie. Vic Which movie, asshole? Tony Uhh... Tony exits, Vic picks up the magazine again. Vic Dumbass. Cut To INT. Pizza Store There is a line, and Mike is at the front. Mike Yeah, um, Two slices an’ two cokes. Clerk Three coke? Mike No, two cokes. Clerk Three... coke? Mike No, no... two. Clerk goes to cooler and gets three Cokes. Clerk 10 dollar. Mike No, I asked for only two cokes Clerk goes to cooler and gets another coke. Clerk 11 Dollar. Guy in Line Hey, can we movethis along? Mike Hey, mind your own business, okay? Guy in Line Hey, unlike you, I’m a busy man, and I’m in a hurry. Mike Yeah, we’re all in a hurry ta fuck your wife Lady behind Mike Don’t you talk to him like that! Guy in Line Hey, yeah you come back here and say that! Clerk 11 Dollar! Mike Look, I only asked for two cokes, take These two and put them back in the ‘fridge! Clerk stares at Mike blankly. Mike puts ten dollars on the counter, takes his two slices and Cokes and leaves Mike Keep the change. Lady Yes, I’d like a slice and a coke… Clerk Slice and two coke? Cut to INT. Big Top Vic and Mike are eating Pizza and drinking Cokes. Mike Man, you wouldn’t believe the shit I had ta go through to get this. Vic Yeah? Well while you were out playin Pizza store customer, I had to watch Tony Walk in, stare at me blankly, and leave. I mean, I thought it was funny the first Couple times, but man, that got old fast. Mike Do you ever wonder what goes on in that guy’s head? Vic (stares blankly) So, how you doin? Title on Black “La Resistance” EXT. Big Top – Day Tony is standing in front of Big Top. A guy walks by. Tony Hey, don’t go in there! They make Kids rent porno! The guy ignores Tony and keeps going. Tony Yeah, and spread the word! (Beat) Read between the lines, people! Big Top is evil! Big Top is… Vic sticks his head out the door Vic Tony, what the fuck are you doing? Tony I’m forming a Resistance Against the evil corporate power Of Big Top Video! Viva la Resistance! Vic Man, shut the fuck up! We Got enough to worry about with that new Hollywood Video joint down the street! INT. Big Top Vic Man, that guy is outta his Tony Fuckin mind Mike I’ll go talk to him... Mike leaves, 5 Second pause, Bruno enters. Bruno You Vic? Vic Maybe. Bruno Are you Vic, or not? Vic Is there a third option? Bruno Funny… I thought you’d be more masculine. Vic Huh? Look, I don’t know what you’re talking about, but Bruno Shut your face, puss. Bruno pulls out gun, CU on gun. Title on Black “Bruno ... The Jealous, Confused Ex-Boxer with a mental problem due to continuous blows to the head.” Vic is tied up in the middle of the store. Bruno Alright, puss, tell me, was it Good? Did you like it? Did she like it? How was it, puss? Vic Huh? What’re you talkin about, guy? Did who like what? Bruno My wife, puss, ya did sleep with her. Vic Your wife wouldn’t happen to be a hot Witch from my imagination, would she? Bruno Shut up, punk! What I don’t understrand Is how she could pick you over me. Vic I’m sorry, man, I don’t know what you Think you know... but I’ve never slept With anyone’s wife. Bruno I hate fuckin liars. Vic Yeah, me too… Bruno Stop it! I don’t know why I haven’t already killed you! Vic Because of my friendly smile? Bruno Look, you slept with my wife! Vic No I didn’t! Bruno She told me she was sleeping with A video store Clerk Named Vic… she didn’t mention he fell Off the top of the ugly tree. Vic Hey, Man, You’re crazy Bruno Am I? You’re the one sleeping With my wife! Mike walks in. Mike Hey, I got Tony to calm Down, but I… Woah, I’ll come back… Bruno Hey, sit down and shut your mouth! You… any more rope around here? Vic Yeah, check in the back. Bruno goes to the back Mike What the fuck is going on here? Vic He thinks I fucked his wife. Probably some old broad… anyway, Now he wants to kill me. Bruno I’m killin both of you! Mike What? I never— Bruno Just for good measure, don’t worry. Bruno comes back with the rope and ties Mike up. Vic Look, man, I’m tellin ya… I Didn’t sleep with your wife! Angela runs in. Angela Bruno, no! Title on Black “Angela, the sex-starved housewife.” Angela Bruno, don’t kill this guy! He didn’t do anything! Bruno Didn’t do anything? He did you! Angela No, this isn’t the guy! Bruno No! I searched twelve video stores for a Vic! I found This one! I’m gonna kill him Tony comes from behind with a shoulder block Tony Viva la Resistance! Mike Tony! Untie us! Tony No! You oppressed the Spirit of la Resistance! No More! Angela He’s… dead… Tony Yes! The first casualty! Tony goes for a high five, but no one returns. Mike Are you gonna be ok? Angela Yeah, I never loved the poor shmuck anyway. Angela unties Mike and Vic Angela Come on, Vic I know a place Where we can fuck All night long. Cut to INT – Big top. Vic is being untied. Mike Vic… ya there, buddy? Vic Huh? Oh, yeah… Angela Well, anyway, I planned on Leaving the bastard anyway. He wasn’t good for anything. Tony I don’t know… He looks like A good cuddler… Everyone looks at Tony weird. Tony What? What’d I say? Angela Well, I guess I’ll be off… Bruno (OS) I knew it! Everyone looks at something off screen. An over the top look of shock is on all of their faces. Angela What the fuck?! Bruno I knew you loved me! I heard the Passion in your voice! You Still care about me! Angela Love? That was love? Do you think before you Speak? I mean, if the Fact that I didn’t Care about your Death counts for love Then our world is way more fucked up then I Had been lead to think. And if that be so then This here skit we’re Acting out makes a Hell of a lot more sense. I’m sick of you And I’m sick of your bull shit. Angela picks up the gun, and shoots Bruno. Vic Woah, what the fuck was that for? Angela (Hands gun to Tony) Just to let you know (beat) He wasn’t that good. Angela walks out. Cut to EXT – Big Top – Day Tony is standing outside Subtitle “Later…” INT – Big Top Vic is sitting at the counter, and Mike is putting away some videos Vic Yeah, then Marcus and I stole this car Dressed as valets and went to a strip club. (beat) Then, I grabbed a stripper’s ass, and the security guy was after us, and I shot him, but in the shoulder. Mike Uh huh… Vic Yeah, then we sped back to the hotel And I was fucking these two girls, when a candle Knocked over and the room lit on fire. Then, we got the other two guys and drove back here. Mike And all this happened? Vic Yep. Mike Man, you’re such a retard. That was “Go”. Retard. Vic Really? Mike Yeah. Vic That makes a lot more sense. Mike Of course it does. Ya dumb ass. You didn’t Even get it in the right order Of events Vic Ease up buddy. Not like you Mixed a film for real life. Remember “The Lost World” Incident? Mike You promised you’d never mention that Ever again. Fade to black. Title on black “2 Weeks earlier” EXT – Big Top – day Vic Thanks for coming along with me, Mike. My uncle’s been a little crazy since That Hollywood video opened down the street. Mike Yeah, well it’s not like I have any place To go... I hear that there’s a whole lot of Physical activity tests to get hired at Hollywood. INT. Big Top – Vic and Mike Enter Uncle Joe Ah, Vic! It’s Good to see Someone intelligent for a change. This kid, Tony, he just started hanging out in front one day, doesn’t come in, doesn’t really move... he just stands there. Vic Well, how’s it hanging Uncle Joe? Joe Shitty, very shitty! But let’s let that be for now. Ah, Vic, toothpick Vic, tell me a story, you good fellah you. Vic Joe, no one calls me toothpick anymore. Just Vic, ok? Joe Ok, Toothpick. So How’s Allie? Vic Allie? She dumped my ass a couple Weeks ago. I’m Seeing Ronna now. Joe Ok, so tell me about Ronna then. Is she hot? Vic Aren’t they all? They laugh for a second. Nice guy Freddie (OS) Toothpick Vic, you lazy ass mother. Vic It’s just Vic, ball sack. Freddie enters. Vic Nice guy Freddie, when did they let you back In the state? Freddie Funny. Very funny. Yer the next Bob Saget. Daddy, you didn’t tell me that family Was coming, I woulda left. Vic Yeah, and fuck you, too. Freddie You’d like it. The two start to play fight. Joe Stop this bull shit! Now both of you take A seat. Where were we? Vic I was just about to ask before nice guy Came in, if my friend Mike and I could have A job at Big top. I mean if you have Any openings. Joe Ever since Hollywood Video opened, I could Use the help. You got the job... Is this Mike? Vic Yep, this is Mike. Joe He’s a damn shy one Mike Sorry, just tired. Vic Don’t apologize, Ya stupid ass Fucker. I like Shy. Shy people Don’t harass the Shit head customers. Freddie How sad that you and you’re friend Have to come to begging to get work Vic At least Joe will give me a Job. I never see you working the Counter at the shop. Ain’t it a sad day When a father can’t even trust his own son? Freddie Trout sucker. Didn’t Daddy tell you I got me a job at Hollywood Video? Oh he didn’t? I’m making eight Fifty an hour. How ‘bout you? Vic looks at Joe. Joe (Ashamed) Six forty five. Vic Bitch-Wanger! Freddie Sucks ta be you, man. Heh heh. Cut to black. Title on black “2 days later” INT. Coffee Shop – day Vic is sitting in a booth drinking a cup of a drink that is topped off with whipped cream and chocolate powder. He looks down. Someone walks up to the table, his face is unseen. Vic looks up. Mike (OS) You’re lookin at a guy that can’t hold a girl, my friend Vic You too? Fuck! Mike takes a seat across from Vic. Mike What are you talkin’ about? Vic Ronna, that bitch dumped me this morning Mike Man, these girls really like to Fuck with our minds, now don’t they? Vic They sure do. But at least I Have Angela to lift my spirits. Mike Who? Vic Angela, some married chick I’ve been fucking. Mike Oh. So when are you working next? Vic (Looking at his wrist like he has a watch but he doesn’t) About 1/2 hour ago. Shit I’m late. Vic grabs his jacket and runs out of the coffee shop. Mike Crazy shit. Mike takes a drink from Vic’s drink. Mike Crazy... as a bitch Fade to black. Title on black “Washed up” INT. Big top Vic is “resting his eyes” behind the counter, while Mike is taking care of a customer. Mike hits a few computer keys. Mike Sorry sir, we don’t have any Copies of “Hollywood Dreamer” Chester That’s ok. I have more then 33 copies Of it at home. Mike Then why did you want to rent it? Chester I like to see If any video Shops have it In stock. I wrote and Directed it ya know. Mike Really? I’ve never seen it. Maybe I’ve Seen something else you’ve done. What’s Your name? Chester I’m Chester Rash. Mike Doesn’t ring a bell. Chester I’m not surprised. I’ve only done three Films, so if you haven’t “Hollywood Dreamer” then I know you haven’t seen my 3rd, but maybe Chester you’ve seen my first, does “Go With the Flow” mean anything to you? Mike Hell yeah, I saw it. I loved it! A mix Between “Pulp Fiction” and “Home Alone” it Was great. Why haven’t I seen anything by you Lately? Chester Well after “Go with the Flow” I took three years off to write and direct “Dreamer.” In 1993 “Hollywood Dreamer” hit theaters across the world. It didn’t do as good as I had hoped. So I took five years to Write and direct my third feature “Crazy Ain’t a 4 Letter Word.” It bombed like a bitch. It seems like in my five year absence the movie goers forgot about me, about my five oscars, about my 7 golden globes and my 15 MTV movie awards. We’re livin’ in a world filled wit ADD. A world where one day you’re number one, five years later yer hanging with that Doogie Howser and Vanilla Ice. In the world of the washed up. One day they love you, the next they don’t know who the fuck you are. It wasn’t even like “Crazy” was a shitty film. Everyone who saw it loved it. I was shunned. No studio would take my calls. My wife left me and took everything I had. Cut to the here and now. I’m an out of work weekend dad. Who lives in a glorified whore house and days are spent living in what little past I have. The film biz ain’t about art or a craft, it’s about the all mighty buck. And in a business based on making money, if you ain’t making money you ain’t anybody. I’m living proof. Mike Shit, ain’t that a bitch. Well if you need a job, I can get you one here I mean you do Have experience in the biz. So Joe won’t mind. Plus since Hollywood Video Opened, he could use all the help. There’s still 1 last opening to be filled. Chester No there isn’t. Short beat, then the two laugh. Mike You can start later tonight. Around 9 or whatever, but be In before 10. Chester Why before 10? Mike An hour late is a bit too much. Don’t you think? I’m Mike and the past out guy over there is Vic. His uncle owns this place. Chester Well thank ya Very much young lad... Mike Yeah, just don’t mention it to the boss... Cut to EXT – Big Top – Tony is talking to street Elvis Tony Hey, street Elvis, what do ya got today? Street Elvis (Mumbling in the tune of an Elvis-type song) I got the blue Pill that’ll make Ya get high an’ I got the l’il Pink pill That’ll make Ya get low An I got a l’il Weed and step on My blue suede shoes Tony Man, that’s some sweet action there, man! Street Elvis (Mumbling what could by Jailhouse Rock) Elvis got arrested An’ he needs some Bail. If you could Get him money it’d be Real swell. If ya tell my momma I’ll Be like in hell now help me out ‘cause I Got some drugs to Sell! Let’s Rock... Ev’ry body let’s rock ‘Cuz every body in the half city block was doin the Street Elvis Rock! Tony Sweet. Well, Hate ta break Up the party, Elvis, but I told Shy Lawrence I’d meet him down the Street. Later, Elvis! Street Elvis Later, man. |