"AMBASSADOR SERVICE EPISODE 1: WELCOME"
FADE IN:
INT. NICK CLANCY FOR CONGRESS HEADQUARTERS - NIGHT
It's party time! He has just won reelection. Balloons are falling everywhere, everyone is hugging, maybe a few are drunk. The crowd settles down as Clancy walks up the podium.
| CLANCY |
| Thank you! Thank you! I have just spoken to my esteemed opponent, Richard Hoskins. He has offered his congratulations to me, and wishes me the best of luck as his representative to the U.S. House for the next four years! |
Crowd erupts in applause
| CROWD |
| (chanting) |
| Four more years! Four more years! |
| ANONYMOUS |
| Nick for President! |
More applause and laughter from the crowd
| CLANCY |
| (a bit embarrassed, but this is obviously part of his political plans) |
| Well, let's get some work done in the House of Reps before we move into the Big House |
More laughter and applause from the crowd
We pull back to find WILLIAM MONTGOMERY and CLANCY AIDE standing in the rear entrance, watching and clapping.
| CLANCY AIDE |
| Congressman Clancy appreciates your assistance in the re-election campaign, Mr Montgomery. Without you, we probably would have lost some key counties. |
| MONTGOMERY |
| I'm glad I was able to be of assistance. And please, call me Bill. |
| CLANCY AIDE |
| Sure, Bill. The Congressman would like to return the favor.... |
| MONTGOMERY |
| (cutting off the Aide) |
| That's really not necessary |
| CLANCY AIDE |
| He tells me your contract at the college is about to expire. And you don't have tenure... |
Montgomery nods in agreement
| CLANCY AIDE |
| (pulls out a PDA) |
| These are tough times for higher education. Lot of cutbacks. Hard for good professors to find new assignments. |
| MONTGOMERY |
| (trying to peek at PDA screen) |
| That's true. Very true... |
| CLANCY AIDE |
| (tapping on pda screen with stylus) |
| Let's see... Unfortunately, there really aren't any openings on Congressman Clancy's staff. And it's pretty stable, so it's unlikely anything's going to pop up soon. Let's check this... Hmmm this looks interesting.... |
| CLANCY AIDE |
| Do you have any experience in foreign affairs? |
| CLANCY AIDE |
| Do you like to travel? |
| MONTGOMERY |
| Not long distances |
| CLANCY AIDE |
| Can you speak any foreign languages? |
| MONTGOMERY |
| Does Pig Latin count? |
| CLANCY AIDE |
| (looks up from screen. Not amused) |
| No. |
| MONTGOMERY |
| (grins nervously) |
| Heh. |
| CLANCY AIDE |
| (taps on the screen some more) |
| Here we go! How about serving as U.S. Ambassador? |
| MONTGOMERY |
| That's a pretty heavy responsibility for someone without any experience. |
| CLANCY AIDE |
| I don't think that'll be a problem |
| MONTGOMERY |
| So where's it at? |
| CLANCY AIDE |
| (struggling) |
| Or-and, uh, Or-an-deg, O-rand- Or-and-eg-ee-i-ed. Oh, I don't know. But I think it's in the South Pacific. |
| MONTGOMERY |
| (a little skeptical) |
| Are you sure? |
| CLANCY AIDE |
| (taps on the screen some more) |
| Yes. Definitely. South Pacific. I think. When can you leave? |
OPENING THEME
EXT. ORANDEGIED INTERNATIONAL AIRPORT - DAY
A small airport. Tower, terminal, five or six garage buildings. A commuter propeller plan is coming in for a landing. LT LARRY BALLENCEK is leaning up against a battered S.U.V. owned by the U.S Embassy. He's got a huge gigantic never-ending grin. He's wearing a loud shirt and camo pants. He has a pistol in a holster, but we don't make a big deal about. He approaches the plane when it stops. The door opens and the steps are folded out. WILLIAM MONTGOMERY, his wife JENNIFER, and son BILL JR exit.
| BALLENCEK |
| (waves excitedly) |
| Mr Montgomery? |
| MONTGOMERY |
| (wincing in the sun) |
| Yes... Are you from the embassy? |
| BALLENCEK |
| Yes, sir! I'm Lt Larry Ballencek. I'm your Chief of Staff and Security Officer. |
| MONTGOMERY |
| (giving Ballencek the once over.) |
| I hope you don't mind, but could I see your identification? |
Ballencek digs around in his clothes for his i.d. He's getting increasingly frustrated at the prolonged search. Montgomery is becoming increasing skeptical. Is this goofy looking guy for real? Ballencek finds his i.d. in his shoe, and hands it over.
| BALLENCEK |
| Heh. But don't worry, I haven't had a bout with athlete's foot in months. |
Montgomery gingerly takes the i.d. and examines it. But not too closely.
| MONTGOMERY |
| It looks like you are who you say you are. |
Montgomery hands the i.d. back
| BALLENCEK |
| Who else would I be? |
| MONTGOMERY |
| These are challenging days. |
| BALLENCEK |
| (agreeing, but now suspicious) |
| Can I see your i.d.? |
Montgomery reaches into his jacket pocket, pulls out his i.d., and hands it over to Ballencek
| BALLENCEK |
| (Increasingly suspicious) |
| And you say this is your family? |
While Ballencek examines the i.d., he whips a pistol up to his head and uses the muzzle to scratch his temple absentmindedly (no finger on the trigger, please). This alarms the Montgomerys, but they don't say anything. Montgomery very deliberately places himself between Ballencek and his family
| MONTGOMERY |
| This is Jennifer, my wife... |
| JENNIFER |
| (sheepish) |
| Hello. |
| MONTGOMERY |
| And this is my son, Bill Jr |
Ballencek re-holsters the gun and gives back the i.d. to Montgomery
| BALLENCEK |
| (Nice and cheery again) |
| Okay, everything seems to be in order. |
The Montgomerys are relieved. The tension is being lifted. Ballencek sticks out his hand and shakes Montgomery senseless
| BALLENCEK |
| Let me be the first to welcome you to the island nation of Orandegied! |
Ballencek moves on to shake the hands of Jennifer and Bill Jr.
| BALLENCEK |
| Mrs Montgomery... and JUNIOR! |
| BILL JR |
| Don't call me that. |
| BALLENCEK |
| Okay. I'll try to remember that, Billy. |
| BILL JR |
| Don't call me that, either. Bill is fine. |
Ballencek starts walking toward the back of the plane. The others follow. Airport employees are dumping stuff out of the plane onto the tarmac. They aren't terribly gentle.
| BALLENCEK |
| Looks like they're starting to unload your luggage. |
| MONTGOMERY |
| We only have a few things. Most everything else is being shipped by the State Department. |
| BALLENCEK |
| Well, let's get what you got. |
All four begin picking up luggage. Bill Jr makes a point of picking out a certain bag.
| BALLENCEK |
| Okay. What's in it? |
Ballencek looks a bit puzzled, but he's willing to let it slide.
| MONTGOMERY |
| (whispers) |
| It's his videogame system |
| BALLENCEK |
| (also whispering. fully understanding) |
| I see |
They start carrying luggage to the SUV.
| JENNIFER |
| So, Lt Ballencek, what happened to the previous ambassador. |
| BALLENCEK |
| Not really sure. But one day he said to me "Lair," he liked to call me "Lair." "Lair," he said, "you know those people that scream and run naked down the road?" and I said "Yeah." and he said "I understand now." The next day, he was gone. But he left his toothbrush. |
| BALLENCEK |
| But don't worry. We have new toothbrushes. |
| MONTGOMERY |
| That's good to know. |
They finish packing the luggage into the SUV. Bill Jr gets into the back seat, Montgomery opens a back door for Jennifer, and she gets in. Montgomery sits in the front passenger seat, and Ballencek drives. He grinds the gears as they drive off.
END OF ACT 1
EXT. U.S EMBASSY - DAY
The SUV is driving up to the embassy. It stops suddenly with a screech on the breaks. The embassy itself looks like a 1950s era brick home, only larger. Roof with a slant on one side only, big picture window, carport (not a garage). There's a low brick fence around the building. A wire fence built above it has been added in the last couple years, new security for new more dangerous times. Ballencek gets out of the SUV and talks to the Montgomerys through the window.
| BALLENCEK |
| We've added quite a few new security measures in the past couple years. Everything here is tight and secure. |
| MONTGOMERY |
| Have there been any problems? |
| BALLENCEK |
| No. But if there are.... |
Ballencek is suddenly highly alert. He whips out his pistol and cocks it.
| BALLENCEK |
| (Low and dangerous sounding) |
| Alright, who's there? |
A beat. Maybe two. No answer
Ballencek slams himself against the SUV, protecting the Montgomerys. He looks left, right, up, down.
A frog croaks
| BILL JR |
| (bored) |
| It's just a frog, Dad |
| BALLENCEK |
| (still suspicious, but not so sure now.) |
| Are you sure? |
| BALLENCEK |
| The security of you and your family comes before anything else. |
| MONTGOMERY |
| Yes. Thank you. I think you can put the gun away. |
Ballencek re-holsters the pistol. He walks toward the heavy gate. The frog croaks again. Ballencek looks alarmed for a moment, but grins at the Montgomerys. He unlocks the gate, opens it up and motions for Montgomery to drive the SUV onto the embassy grounds.
Montgomery pulls the SUV into the carport. It barely fits.
INT. U.S EMBASSY LOBBY - DAY
It's a fairly large lobby, roughly the size of an elementary school classroom. It's also used for official functions such as conferences and parties. The big picture window we saw earlier is in this room. Ballencek and the Montgomerys are entering, and dropping luggage on the floor. The one Ballencek is carrying makes a sound like a Gamecube getting rattled. Because that's exactly what's happening.
| BILL JR |
| Hey! Be careful with my Gamecube! |
| JENNIFER |
| (walking and looking around) |
| I think it needs a bit more color. |
| BILL JR |
| So, how many channels do you have on cable tv? |
| BALLENCEK |
| We don't have cable. |
| JENNIFER |
| Billy! You're being impolite. |
| BILL JR |
| Where can I rent video games? |
| BALLENCEK |
| We don't have a game rental place. |
| JENNIFER |
| (warning him) |
| Billy... |
| BILL JR |
| How many kids are in the high school? |
| BALLENCEK |
| High school? Oh... uh... Let's see. uh... there's.... 18. |
| BALLENCEK |
| What a minute... a couple graduated this year... It's 14. |
| JENNIFER |
| That's enough, Billy. |
Jennifer continues looking around
| JENNIFER |
| This place really could stand a bit of a touch-up. Where's the mall, so I can pick up some paint and knick-knacks? |
| BALLENCEK |
| We don't have a mall, either |
| MONTGOMERY |
| Where do you get groceries and... stuff? |
| BALLENCEK |
| We've got O-MART. It's like Walmart, only smaller. |
| JENNIFER |
| How much smaller? |
| BALLENCEK |
| Oh... about 80 feet by 14 feet. |
| JENNIFER |
| But that's the size of a mobile home. |
| BALLENCEK |
| (distracted and looking around) |
| Uh huh... [a beat, maybe two] Wait here, I'll check |
Ballencek whips out his gun, cocks it, and stealthily walks up the stairs. We hear a door slam open.
| BALLENCEK |
| (VO) |
| Don't move! [a beat] You again! Get outta here! |
A woman, MARILYN POGLESE, runs down the stairs and past the Montgomerys. She has a bit of trouble opening the door, but she finally does and runs out. We really only get a fleeting glimpse of her.
Ballencek is walking down the steps.
| BALLENCEK |
| Okay. Everything’s fine now. I just had to run off Ms. Poglese |
| BALLENCEK |
| (matter of factly) |
| She's a spy |
| JENNIFER |
| (gasp!) |
| A spy! Who does she spy for? |
| MONTGOMERY |
| No, Bill. NOT cool. Why don't you arrest her? |
| BALLENCEK |
| We don't think she's stolen any secrets-- yet. |
| MONTGOMERY |
| How do you know? |
| BILL JR |
| And she's cute, too. |
| JENNIFER |
| You can cut that out right now, young man. |
Knocking at the door. VINOD RAMESH is standing there trying to look through the screen door.
| RAMESH |
| How do you do? I am Vinod Ramesh with the India Gleaner. Are you the new U.S. Ambassador? |
| MONTGOMERY |
| Yes... Yes I am. I'm glad to met you. I'm William Montgomery. This is Jennifer, my wife, and Bill Jr, my son. |
Ramesh takes that as an invitation to come on in.
| RAMESH |
| May I use your fax machine? |
| MONTGOMERY |
| (slightly puzzled) |
| Why do you need the fax machine? |
| RAMESH |
| I need to send my weekly report back to the office |
| MONTGOMERY |
| Is this something my predecessor let you do? |
| BALLENCEK |
| Oh yeah. Every week. |
| MONTGOMERY |
| Sure. I suppose. |
| RAMESH |
| Thank you very much, sir. |
Ramesh walks over to the secretary's desk and uses the fax machine
| MONTGOMERY |
| How long has he been doing this? |
| BALLENCEK |
| Longer than I’ve been here. I’ve been told about ten years |
| MONTGOMERY |
| Why doesn't his newspaper get him his own fax machine? |
Ramesh is walking past them, toward the door.
| RAMESH |
| Thank you very much, sir. |
| MONTGOMERY |
| Wha...? That didn't take long. |
| MONTGOMERY |
| Do you mind if I see your report? |
Ramesh gives him the paper. Montgomery studies it for a moment, then hands it back.
| MONTGOMERY |
| I'm sorry, Mr. Ramesh, but I don't read Hindu. Could you please read this to me? |
| RAMESH |
| Certainly, sir. It says 'Dear Brother.' My brother is the editor. 'Thank you for the cookies. Tell your wife they were very tasty.' |
| RAMESH |
| 'Nothing going on this week in Orandegied.' |
| MONTGOMERY |
| (surprised) |
| What!? |
| RAMESH |
| 'Tell everyone I said hello. Love, Vinod.' |
| MONTGOMERY |
| (incredulous) |
| Nothing happening? Cookies? |
| MONTGOMERY |
| But I'm the new U.S. Ambassador. |
| RAMESH |
| We get a new U.S. Ambassador here every eight, maybe nine months here. That's not news. |
| BILL JR |
| Now that REALLY stinks. |
END OF ACT 2
CLOSING THEME AND CREDITS
FADE OUT.
THE END
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